It’s been a harsh winter. Even as I write, the snow still carpets the grass. The sun shines, but its rays are weak. I’m not sure if the temperature will break the freezing point today.
Under all that snow and ice and frozen dirt lie all kinds of seeds. Suspended in sleep, they are frozen in time. Not growing, but not gone.
There are times when I feel as frozen as those seeds.
The winter of my soul captures me and holds me in place. My prayer life ices up and I am frozen in my spiritual tracks. The ice in my heart leaves me with nothing to grab. I am sitting in stillness, surrounded by unmoving and lifeless glaciers.
I’m not a big fan of weather extremes. I like a sunny day, about seventy-five degrees, thank you. It can rain when I’m sleeping, I don’t want my outdoor plans canceled. Basically, I want to be comfortable all the time. I don’t want to be inconvenienced.
My heart and soul feel the same way. I always want open communication with the Lord. When I pray, I want to hear his voice, thank you. If he must be silent, I’d prefer that happens while I’m ‘asleep’ going through my daily chores, or watching TV. I don’t want to be disappointed in prayer, or abandoned in my quiet time with him.
But where I live, winter is a necessary season. Without it, constant warmth would completely change the life cycle of nature. Trees would eventually die from the overgrowth of pests and mold that invaded in the summer. Farmland that would normally lay abandoned in the snow would become lifeless from overuse.
It’s the same with my heart and soul. In order for my faith to flourish and deepen, the winter must come. If I had a constant connection to the Lord, I’d get a little too comfortable. The overgrowth of self-reliance would begin to kill my spirit.
Thanks be to the God who wants to save me from my self-reliance. He leads me to seasons of stillness and quiet, and not because he wants to freeze me out. He is not abandoning me. He is challenging me to sit peacefully in the snow, in the emptiness of silence.
It feels like I’m alone. It appears that I am abandoned. But nothing could be further that the truth. He is always with me, but he wants me to be always with him. He wants me to desire him more and more, and to never be satisfied with my relationship with him.
So as I look at the frozen backyard, I realize that my desire for spring mirrors my desire for a new relationship with the Lord.
The winter weather will break into spring its own time. My spiritual winter will come to an end too, and the Lord will reveal himself to me again in his time.
The springtime in my soul will be a joyous rebirth of faith and reunion with the Father.
I can’t wait for spring!